-
Are 14 year old girls trickier than toddlers?
Thursday 24 June 2010
Categories: Growing up, Role Models, Teenagers
Is there actually anyone who is surprised at a survey’s findings that parents find their 14 year old daughters are difficult? Surely not, after all the poor things’ forebrains are going into meltdown, their hormones are flooding them with unaccustomed emotions and their bodies are changing… or not.
Given all that their biology is putting them through, what they need is sympathy and understanding. They feel scared while they project confidence; they feel lost while telling you just how wrong you are; they are angry and who can they safely take this out on? Their poor parents!
Given the media messages, peer pressure and exam systems they are expected to negotiate it’s a wonder more of them don’t explode.
As your daughter tries to work out who she wants to be, what she wants to do, what she herself believes in (as opposed to adopting your views wholesale) and what role models are useful on her journey, she is going to make some mistakes. She will learn more from making her own errors than by continuing to follow your advice. But she needs you to pick her up while resisting the urge to say ‘I told you so’
As she tests her ideas she needs to argue them through. And who is she going to argue with? Her parents, obviously. Instead of regarding this as rank insubordination try teaching her how to argue effectively; dismantle her arguments with reason, not passion, and you are giving her valuable instruction.
Give up any thoughts of “controlling” her, teach her to control herself.
Of course it’s easy to say and far harder (impossible on a bad day!) to do. But she is the child (not that she’ll acknowledge this!) and you are the adult (even while you long to scream back at her). Keep your dignity and you keep the moral high ground.
Teenage girls ape others so beware of how you behave in case she copies you!
Console yourself with the results of another survey: when asked who their heroes and role models are teenage girls overwhelmingly voted for their mothers. Not that yours will admit it…until she comes out the other side and you realise what a fascinating, enchanting creature you have parented.
Your comments
Nobody has posted any comments yet, why not be the first?