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  • First day blues...

    Sunday 28 August 2011

    Categories: Education, Family Relationships, Letting go

    The beginning of the new school year in September is an emotionally laden time for many of us particularly those whose children are moving from one stage to another. For the very youngest children September brings their first opportunity to play and learn away from home. Most children approach this experience with confidence and enthusiasm; it is often the parents who find it traumatic.

    Although some children are in a care setting from an early age, many are not. Those few years of great closeness and freedom are precious and the beginning of the more structured way of life can be intimidating both because of its practical demands in terms of routines and time keeping but also because of the emotional impact of the first parting. Although I was anguished by my older daughter’s distress on her first day at nursery, watching my other children bounce happily into their first day at nursery or school was equally draining. Had our life together meant so little that she could happily leave it behind and go into the care of a stranger?!

    As Head of a school which includes daycare and nursery, the boot is now very much on the other foot. An important part of my work at the beginning of term is reassuring parents that their children will survive in School. I met one new Mum in the Daycare department at the beginning of last term who was leaving her daughter for the first time and wept copiously as she left the building. I went back into Daycare a couple of minutes later, checked on her little girl, who was smiling happily, and rang her to reassure her. A good nursery and school is prepared for the settling in period and gives individual children the care and reassurance they need in order to make that transition. There is no avoiding some degree of emotion surrounding that first separation; parents simply have to accept it as part of the process and engage in vigorous displacement activities in order to avoid being upset themselves!

    Whether leaving a three month old baby in daycare for the first time or a 14 year old girl at a boarding school, patently parents experience grief. Tearful phone calls home or distressed emails may form a part of the adjustment process.

    Those who work in daycare, nurseries and schools are actually experts in child care. They will have seen all of the situations before and, whilst never losing their sensitivity to individual children, they are very good at providing the necessary emotional support. There are many similarities, whether the child is going to school just down the road or on the other side of the world. What matters is that those who care for them are committed and experienced.

    I shall continue to ensure that I have a full box of tissues in my study so that I can do the really difficult bit which is preventing parents from breaking down under the stress of parting from their children…

    Lynne Taylor-Gooby is the Headmistress at The Royal School,Haslemere
    As originally written and published in Baby Surrey magazine and website www.babysurrey.co.uk

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