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  • You rule the world...but can't set a bedtime

    Wednesday 2 November 2011

    Categories: Education, Family Relationships, Parenting, Teenagers

    In a recent article in The Sunday Times, Clarissa Farr, the head of St Paul’s girls’ school, talked about the sessions the school is running for parents who welcome help and advice with how best to deal with their teenage daughters. St Paul’s is a selective, academically very highly performing school, with many very bright, talented daughters of men and women who occupy important and influential positions. But parenting can test all of us. As Clarissa says, ‘I have a lot of parents in powerful professional roles who nonetheless find parenting a challenge. It’s the role for which we have least training and which often finds people at their most vulnerable, even if their day job is ruling half the world.’

    It’s heartening that such parents are appreciative of the guidance and support the school can give them. Being a parent is demanding, emotionally complex, and in some ways it represents the ultimate responsibility. But it isn’t something we are conventionally prepared for and everyone who is a parent may experience times when they feel they are failing, however much they love their children. Busy professionals may have the added anxiety that their working lives are taking so much of their time and energies that they are not devoting the time and attention to their children that they feel they should.

    St Paul’s girls’ school is offering parents sessions on a range of subjects including academic concerns such as exam stress and social and relationship issues such as drugs, parties and setting appropriate boundaries. It is heartening that St Paul’s parents appear to be positive about and receptive to the initiative. Like those parents who access the MyDaughter website, they see that schools, with their experience of supporting so many young people over the years, are well-placed to offer sensible, practical and workable advice. Schools can also help mediate when communication between parents and their offspring becomes fraught, as it inevitably may from time to time.

    Clarissa Farr hopes that other schools may follow her lead. So do I – and to those who would say that schools are overstepping their responsibilities by trying to teach parents how to parent, I would suggest that the best schools and the most responsible parents work together to ensure that the child at the centre of this crucial relationship is given all the support they need as they grow towards independence and, in due course, become responsible parents themselves. Being receptive to advice will be an important part of this.

    Posted by Jill Berry

Your comments

I wholeheartedly agree! As a provider of parenting workshops in schools, I can say that parents find this kind of support extremely useful, and in the school context. We have run one-off workshops, and courses over a number of weeks or a whole day. Whatever the format, parents tell us the best part is being able to gather in a supportive, informal and non-judgemental setting to discuss and reflect on what’s going well with parenting, and what they want to change. Hearing other parents talk about how they’re managing (or not) is such a relief for parents. Our passion is to see parenting support brought into the light, to have any stigma removed, and for it to widely and easily available to every parent. If you would like to see what we offer, both live, and online for parents in schools visit www.parentingpeople.co.uk – sorry for the shameless plug, but I just want parents to access good and transformative support! Yours, Judy Reith, Director, Parenting People ( and deeply flawed mother of 3 girls!)

By Judy @parentingpeople on Monday 19 December 2011

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