My daughter is so disorganised!

Q. My 12-year old daughter is very bright but also very disorganised and this is leading to all sorts of problems at school. She either forgets to do homework, or does it and forgets to hand it in then loses it. She loses books, PE kit, uniform, keys, phone etc on a regular basis. These usually are found again later but not always. She is always asked to pay for replacements. Consequently she is frequently given punishments at school including detentions. Her teachers are very frustrated by this as it gets in the way of what she potentially could be capable of. I was exactly the same as a child but managed to get so frustrated with myself around the age she is now that I made huge efforts and am now renowned as incredibly organised. I have tried to help her set up systems but nothing works for more than a few days and I think she needs to find her own system. I’m sure she’s not the only one but I am very concerned that unless she sorts it out she will severely limit her capabilities. Please can you offer any suggestions?

A. You are quite right: this needs to be addressed if your daughter is to make the most of the opportunities open to her at school and beyond. if you are worried that her disorganisation might be a sign of a learning disability, then do consider arranging for an assessment by an Educational Psychologist – often the brightest pupils have particular learning needs which an expert can help identify. In the meantime, helping to give her the tools to organise herself starts with helping her to set up systems: what you are doing in this respect is really important, and you should not give up, as consistency and repetition are the real keys to success here. A written checklist that she carries around may help, but only as long as your daughter feels the desire to follow it; if she is not motivated to change, or would prefer not to recognise her disorganisation as an issue (and, being bright, this is entirely possible!), then you may need to adopt other approaches. These might include spending a few minutes every evening writing out a schedule with her for the following day, and then running through this again in the morning. The more regular you can make your family life, the better – homework at exactly the same time each evening, for instance – as this creates a really strong structure which your daughter can learn to internalise and apply to other aspects of her life. To help her at school, you need to draw as many of her teachers into this organising process as possible, to act as a strong support. A routine whereby she is reminded by every teacher of a certain set of phrases – for example, ‘bag, book, phone, keys’ before she leaves a classroom or an activity, could be of enormous use, especially if you use exactly the same phrases at home and when she is out and about. It is always far better to reward than to punish, and setting up a system whereby she gains points if, for example, she arrives back home with all her equipment, could also help. Essentially, the most important piece of advice is not to give up; it will be worth it.