The pursuit of perfection...

Q. My 13 year old daughter is showing increased anxiety with having to write. She prefers to do all her work on the computer so this can be repeated continuously until it is perfect.Any mistakes she makes in her written books she finds hard to deal with and wants to start a new exercise book. This is becoming worse to the point she does not really want to write at all and all homework is taking a ridiculous amount of time to complete.

A. I think there are two separate but very closely linked issues here. One is the desire for perfection and not being able to “let go of” or stop a piece of work because it may not be perfect and the other is relying on the computer as a kind of safety blanket, because of the invisibility of crossing-out or correction. Both are signs or symptoms of the onset of an obsessive disorder, which if left untreated may develop into a more serious obsessive compulsive disorder. It is important to seek professional help now, probably through advice from her GP about a recommended counsellor.

As a parent you also needs to work closely with the school and set up a system where your daughter only spends the allotted time on her homework and then stops. She should also be encouraged to put herself in situations where she takes risks and has to manage without being perfect. How does she react in other situations, for example, to messiness, baking cakes, getting involved in outdoor activities? How does she respond to timed tests in class or at examination times? Is she managing to complete these? Is the school allowing her to work on computer in class or is she happy to take rough notes longhand?

Gong forward, your daughter needs to feel more confidence in being able to write things down herself and to stop being fixed on using a computer and to feel comfortable with work that may not be perfect.

Rest assured I have encountered a number of girls over the years who have had the problem about refusing to hand in work that they think is not perfect and taking far too long on it. One who was 13 years old accessed professional counselling help and is now coping well. Do seek help now so that your daughter has time to make good progress before GCSE examinations and coursework start to have an impact.