Helping your daughter settle into her new senior school...

Q. How do I help my daughter settle into her new senior school and cope with the pressures that come with it?

A1. Your daughter starting senior school is the start of a new lifestage, and as with all lifestages, attitude and approach matter. The most important thing you can do is to be overwhelmingly positive and excited with and for your daughter, and to say how proud you are of her that she is moving up. This will give her a boost that helps her to deal with any anxiety; it will help make her more relaxed, and if she is more relaxed, she will automatically find it easier to make friends. Encourage her to throw herself into everything; say that this is a real opportunity for her to do all sorts of things, and that she will really enjoy the variety. Whether she is at boarding or day school, talk to her every evening if you can, to ask her what she is doing, and to give wise, upbeat advice if she seems to be slightly wobbly. Remember that the focus is on her, not you – if at all possible, avoid saying that you are missing her or that things will never quite be the same again. Look forward with enthusiasm, not backwards, and she will take your lead.
Helen Wright, St Mary’s School Calne

A2. When asked to summarise how they felt after their first week at school a group of new senior school girls chose these words – tired, excited, ecstatic, busy, comfortable, at home, rushed, challenged, happy, pleased… These words go some way to describing the kaleidoscope of new feelings that the girls are experiencing at this stage.

One thing is certain – your daughter will be BUSY. Busy meeting lots of new people, forming new relationships with staff and other girls, organising bags and lockers, handing in homework on the right day and at the right time, handing in reply slips and forms, getting to registration twice a day, assembly, lessons, break times, lunch time activities and getting ready to catch the bus home. She will have had to absorb an astounding volume of new information during these first few weeks, and may be emotionally and physically exhausted, but this will quickly ease as she builds up the stamina and confidence to enjoy her new environment.

Naturally it will take some girls longer to settle in than others. This can be due to various factors: travelling new longer distances to school, perhaps for the first time by bus or on her own, or leaving the familiarity of a small junior school and junior school friends…

What can you do to help?

• Encourage your daughter to participate in as many clubs and activities available at school as possible and to enquire about the possibility of initiating new clubs and activities if she has a specific interest. This is a great way to meet new friends with similar interests.
• Your daughter will be tired, so encourage early nights and getting as much rest at weekends as possible
• If she will let you, help with the practical matters of being organised in these early days. Post a copy of her school and homework timetables up at home – this could be helpful both for homework assignments and for determining which books and equipment need to be taken in to school each day.
• Packing the school bag the previous night is often more productive than in the morning, and a whiteboard in the bedroom or kitchen can be useful way of reminding girls what needs to packed.
• Find out about the support network available to your daughter – subject teachers, form tutors, head of year, peer mentors, school nurse and so on. If you have queries or concerns do get in touch with the school – they will be keen to help.

Janet Pickering, Withington Girls School