New school survival tips for parents

It’s autumn and your daughter has recently started at a new school. The long summer holiday has become a distant memory and suddenly you’re faced with all the uncertainty and angst that goes with entrusting a much-loved child to strange new faces in a strange new environment.

As parents, it’s very hard to know what to do for the best. Should we sympathise when confronted by tears or take a step back and try not to get too involved? Should we be worried if there aren’t instantly new friends or accept that friendships can take time? Should we be alert for signs of loneliness or bullying or adopt a more positive approach? In short, should we be prepared to demand an appointment with the Head at a moment’s notice or relax in the knowledge that they are the professionals, recognising that too much interference can be counter-productive?

As both a headmistress and a mother, I believe that, whilst there are no clear cut answers to any of the above, there are some tactics which, in my experience, work quite well.

• The first is enthusiasm. You have hopefully chosen your daughter’s school so talk about it enthusiastically. Focus on all that is good about it and, even if they come home feeling a bit down in the dumps, try and draw out the fun bits of their day, reminding them that time spent in the classroom or the playground is rarely all bad. Be interested in what they have done and what they have learnt* – a sullen teenager might take some coaxing where communication is concerned but it’s surprising what a little tactful persuasion can achieve.

• Nobody likes to feel like the odd one out at school so my next piece of advice is make sure your daughter has the right uniform, the right books and the right equipment. There’s nothing worse than being singled out by either teachers or classmates for being wrongly dressed or for not having an essential piece of kit. Look carefully through the lists provided and tick each item off.

• A new school inevitably means new routines and it’s important to be prepared for these. I’ve always found that putting a timetable in a prominent place is a good idea – somewhere like the fridge or kitchen noticeboard. Take the time to look at it, making sure that if a tennis racquet or swimsuit is required that day, your child has it all packed and ready.

• Homework may not be a popular activity but it is important and leaving it to the last minute, not planning it properly or not doing it at all will definitely not assist the settling-in process. Have a rule about when and where it’s done – ideally away from the tempting distractions of computer games or TV.

• All new girls want to make friends and one of the best ways of doing that is by getting involved in clubs and societies at school. Parents and their children seem to be under a lot of pressure these days to try out as many different activities as possible in the evenings and at weekends – why not avoid that and do as much as possible in school instead?

• Finally, accept that your child will probably take a little while to settle down and don’t go rushing off to see their teacher or the Head in the early days unless, of course, you’ve got good cause to do so. School isn’t just about learning from books, it’s also about learning personal responsibility and developing relationships. That takes time and you won’t be helping anyone if you try to take over or do too much noticeable worrying.

Starting at a new school is a significant and exciting milestone. Enthusiasm, preparation, interest and understanding will help everyone enjoy it.