Top tips
- Keep doing all the things mentioned in the 7-11 stage!
- By now she should be doing her homework away from distractions, in a space of her own. She will probably tell you that playing music helps her concentrate – and it might be true! Continue to encourage her to discuss her work with you; give plenty of praise and ask loads of questions
- Make sure you know her friends’ names, they are very important to her and to her happiness. Don’t offer opinions on them unless asked. She will learn about herself by sampling a range of friends, some of whom you may not be comfortable with. The most important thing is to keep your lines of communication open and if you try to direct or control her friendships she may start to shut you out.
- Don’t try to be your daughter’s best friend. She should have lots of friends but she only has one mother. Aim to be the best mother you can be. This includes setting and holding boundaries. Children feel secure when they know there are limits. No matter how hard she pushes she won’t stop loving you just because you say “No”. In fact she will feel safer and better loved, however much she huffs and slams doors!
- When she is choosing her GCSE subjects listen to her, get her to talk to her teachers, offer your opinion but remember that she is the one who will be studying these subjects, not you.
- Form realistic expectations of her academic potential by talking to her teachers. Remember that academic success is only one way of succeeding. Many “successful” members of society did not shine at school. Resourcefulness, creativity and perseverance, for example, are key qualities that are not directly measured by our academic system.
- The best way of protecting your daughter against the perils of eating disorders and substance abuse is to build her self esteem. Value her for who she is rather than what she does. Help her see that there are more important things than appearance, possessions and clothes. Give her values that will sustain her through difficult times.
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