My daughter has given up on her A level revision!

Q. How do you deal with a child that has given up on her revision/AS exams because she thinks she will fail, although their school and tutors do not agree with this?

A. At this point in the term, you will naturally want her focus to be on exams and the necessary revision, but if your daughter has taken this position, then patience is of vital importance, and in the first instance you may need to take a breath and re-group.

I would recommend that, if time allows, your daughter takes at least a few days ‘off’ and if necessary a few more after that. If you were also able to take time out to spend with her outside the home environment in a calm and neutral place, your presence as a ‘comfort blanket’ may be very helpful. Then and only then, can the future be discussed: I like to do the ‘what if’ scenarios such as ‘what is the worst that could happen?’ and ‘what is the best that could happen?’ and as her parents you need to be reassuring throughout in the love and support offered, no matter what the outcome. Eventually the question of next steps can be discussed and hopefully, a good try at the exams is the outcome.

If you think it is possible that your daughter is clinically depressed then you should seek expert help and this may need to be medical – so talk to her school where there may be counselors available or consider your GP. They will offer either counseling or medication, but both are long-term solutions. In this case, both the school and all adults involved need to be accepting of this very difficult outcome.

Teenagers though, are very resilient and hopefully your daughter is not depressed, but just needs support to get through this stage of a dip in self-confidence. Once you are back on the revision cycle using past-papers with answers and examiners’ comments from the examination boards’ websites is a really good way to start. Take a view on how much these three elements need to be used concurrently, depending on your daughter’s initial level of self-belief – for example, if there is only a little doubt then keep the answers to one side, if she is still full of self- doubt then keep them in full view, and so on.

In any event you should keep the school regularly informed as to the state of play and the day-to-day changes and for your own part, be prepared with lots of patience, tea and sympathy – you may both need it!