Independent or State - how do I make the most of my daughter's education?

Q. I have lost the battle to get my daughter into a good private school so she is going to the local comprehensive which I know may have its good points BUT I would like some advice as to how best and most appropriately I can enhance her “state” education to close the gap between what she will receive and what she would have received from a private education. I need help justifying my daughter’s state education!

A. You don’t say why you ‘lost the battle’ and the reason does have a bearing on where you go from here. Is this family conflict over what is best for your daughter? Or is it that the ‘good private school’ on which you set your sights didn’t offer her a place? If it’s the latter, it may be worth looking at other independent schools. Despite common public perception there is huge variety across the independent sector, certainly in terms of the size, nature and focus of different schools, although I would suggest that high quality (certainly within schools which are part of the Independent Schools Council) remains reasonably consistent. There are independent schools to suit all children, whatever their level of ability or their particular interests and talents. It’s just a question of matching the school and the child.

It may be that you may have ‘lost the battle’ with your daughter herself. That’s a different scenario again. I know that many parents are under pressure from children who want to go to a school they themselves aren’t so sure about. It is difficult – most young people (especially girls, in my experience) care more than anything else about being at a school where their current friends are. But the reality is that the school where you know your daughter will thrive and be happiest may be a different school, and it seems almost impossible to convince her of that. My advice would be to try to arrange a ‘taster day’ at the school of your choice – if it’s an independent school, they will certainly be used to this, and should be positive and welcoming about it. If your daughter has a good day (chances are she will) on which she starts to make new friends, and realises that this is a place where she could be settled and happy, you’re part way there. Ultimately I would always say that choice of school should be the parent’s choice, and not the child’s, especially with younger children (sometimes parents need to be assertive – they do, at times, know best!) but ideally you want to get your daughter on side so that you end up deciding on the same choice if you possibly can.

If this is the result of tension within the family, however, I accept that you’re in a different position. I’m sure that you and your partner want what is best for your daughter, although you may differ in what you interpret this ‘best’ to consist of. Most parents simply want their children to be happy and to achieve the best they can. This isn’t something over which independent schools have a monopoly, and there are many excellent state schools out there.

Visiting your daughter’s new school and talking to staff and students there should enable you and your partner to establish that the school’s level of pastoral care, their drive for good teaching and learning and the opportunity for your daughter to build a range of skills beyond the classroom will help her to be happy and successful. Showing an interest in your daughter’s education and encouraging her to work hard, to take advantage of opportunities she is offered and to respect the way in which her education can launch her into a future where she has positive choices is all any parent needs to do. It may be that the breadth of extra-curricular activities is less extensive than in some independent schools and you may feel the need to compensate for that outside the school day/week. But the encouragement of your daughter to achieve the best academic results she can, and to find learning stimulating and satisfying, is something that parents and schools can, and should, work together to achieve, within whichever sector a child is educated. You can do this, and your daughter can make a success of her education as a result.

Good luck.