Is an independent school right for my daughter?

Q, My daughter is currently in year 5 in an excellent state school. The local comprehensive is not considered ‘bad’ but certainly isn’t outstanding in the same way as her primary is. Naturally, we want the very best for our daughter, both academically and socially. My daughter is very bright, kind, funny and very sensible. She has some great friends at school and sees herself moving on to the local secondary school with them. I have looked at some nearby single sex and co-ed private schools and found them fantastic. My concerns are as follows:
1. Moving her away from her friends as she is very shy.
2. Moving her away from her ‘social sphere’ – although well-educated, my husband and I are not well off and live in a small house. I would hate for her to be seen as the ‘poor relation’.
3. We would need a substantial bursary for the duration of her schooling and we would struggle to pay for ‘extras’ e.g. trips abroad, exam fees etc.
Can you offer any thoughts or advice?

A. I can understand your concerns – we all want the best for our daughters and making decisions about their education and resulting day to day happiness and well-being can be a great source of worry!

On your first concern I think you need to think about various things – one is that, even if she were to transfer to the local comprehensive, she would not necessarily be with her current friends. Indeed many secondary schools try very hard to integrate all the children by mixing them up with those from other primary schools and she might even not end up in the same class as her friends – it is not a guarantee.

The second is that Secondary schools work very hard to integrate Year 7 pupils into their school. Many will run taster days or induction evenings to encourage the children to feel confident and excited about September. It is a natural point of transfer and – whichever school you choose – there should be a good induction process.

The final point on this is that – of course – friendships do change, and your daughter may well find new friends and broaden her circle of friends when she goes on to Secondary school – this is entirely natural and to be encouraged. Whether you choose single sex or co-ed is of course your decision but do bear in mind that, as she goes through the difficult teenage years with all the associated complications of puberty, body image and self belief, it may be more comfortable for her to be surrounded by girls if she is a little shy – this will be an environment where she might well feel more secure and more positive, as all her classmates will be facing the same things!

Regarding her ‘social sphere’, this is something that worries a lot of parents but I can reassure you in this – you would be amazed at the broad cross section of parents who choose to send their children to private schools, for the very same reasons that you are considering it now. We encourage our girls to be accepting and to value people for who they are as individuals and what is on the inside, rather than the consumer trappings of cars, latest mobile phones, holidays, large house etc. It is a misconception that the only people who send their children to private school are very well off – they often are not at all – they just want their daughters to have an excellent education and the best of opportunities and are prepared to pay for it.

When it comes to funding, independent schools are very keen to do all they can to support parents who need bursaries, within the confines of money that they have available. Many schools will have a considerably Bursary Fund and will be keen to find families who could be enabled by this to attend their schools. You will be assessed in a very fair but also a very discreet way – and it will not be public knowledge so you have nothing to fear there. Some schools also include exam fees within their charge – we certainly do – so check with the schools that you are interested in, and ask for a full break down of additional costs. Trips are always an area for concern but remember that all children do not have to go on them – many of them will be in holiday time anyway – and again there is sometimes provision for children on Bursaries to receive a reduction – so just ask!