Can boredom be a good thing? The pros & cons of clubs & activities

Should I be organising more for my daughter? Will she miss out if I don’t? – these questions will cross the minds of all parents at some point – or several points – in their daughters’ lives, and when we are surrounded by a host of opportunities for out-of school clubs, classes and holiday activities, then it can be difficult not to feel under pressure to sign our daughters up for everything that is going. Is this right, however, and how do we decide what the right thing to do is?

The best advice is to start with your daughter and ask yourself (and her) if she has a particular interest which is not being properly developed at present. Perhaps she loves to dance or act, and she doesn’t have the chance to do this at school, or perhaps she is fascinated by craft and wants to spend more time on it. If so, this is a good reason to explore additional opportunities in the evenings, or at weekends, or in the holidays; besides, enabling your daughter to pursue her passion can be very rewarding for both parent and child.

Another good reason to look at out-of-school clubs and activities is to provide an opportunity for your daughter to mix socially, either deepening existing friendships by sharing other activities with her friends, or by establishing new friendship groups. Holiday camps or summer schools can be a good way to stave off the boredom of a long holiday when other friends are away … but a note of caution here: don’t try to make your daughter develop new friends. While very young children can often play quite happily with complete strangers, older girls become – quite rightly – much more discriminating in their choice of playmate, and these relationships cannot be forced.

Children need space and time to create their own entertainment – a little boredom is a marvellous thing, for it allows the development of creative thinking and a wonderful imagination. Over-organisation is almost invariably counter-productive; if you are rushing your daughter from class to club to team practice, then she will have little time to think, let alone grow and mature as an independent thinker. You want her to become less dependent on you, rather than more, as she grows older, and if you are effectively controlling what she does and when, then this will not happen.

In a similar vein, sometimes as parents we feel that our daughters should attend clubs and classes because it is ‘good for them’, or because we fear that they will be left behind others if they don’t. If Mandarin lessons are all the rage, for instance, then you may feel that you are damaging your daughter’s life chances if you do not enrol her immediately. The truth of the matter is that your daughter has a lifetime to learn any practical skills she may need, and most important of all is that when she becomes an adult, she is as well-balanced emotionally and socially as an 18 year old can expect to be. She learn Mandarin at any time on a crash course during her university years or later; if, however, she is carrying with her into adulthood the resentment of having been made to spend time learning a language when all she wanted to do was play, this will hold her back more.

Essentially, choosing out-of-school activities is all about balance. Your daughter should not feel over-tired, over-stressed or over-stretched – if she does, cut back on what she is doing straightaway! Look at the bigger picture of your daughter’s life – she has years ahead of her to do all sorts of activities. She doesn’t need to do everything today, and she will be the happier for just learning how to ‘be’, rather than always to ‘do’.