My daughter is still struggling when I leave her at nursery...

Q. How can I make my 4 year old daughter more independent of me at nursery drop-off time?

A. Before your daughter starts at nursery be sure to give her plenty of reassurance. You could start the process of enabling her to become more independent of you by sometimes leaving her for short periods with close family or friends. Ensuring that she has with her a favourite toy, book or stuffed animal will be comforting, and when you part from her remain positive and upbeat so that the experience is a happy one.

Similarly, you can help her to become familiar with her nursery by taking her to “settling in” sessions so that she becomes familiar with the environment beforehand and meets her new friends informally. Inviting children home for tea is also a helpful way of encouraging friendships. On the way into nursery school it is comforting to see familiar faces, therefore you could arrange to meet her friends at the gate so they can walk in together.

When you leave your daughter don’t prolong your goodbyes, it will only make matters worse – a quick hug and a kiss: “Mummy will be back in a little while, I just need to run some errands”. Remember, do not leave and then go back for one more kiss! This will only confuse your child because you haven’t done what you said you were going to do (run an errand), and it is highly likely that your feelings of anxiety will be picked up by your daughter and, in turn, make her feel anxious. Be assured that nursery will call you if she doesn’t settle, but this is very rarely the case.

When you collect your daughter be excited to hear all about her day, but do not turn it into the Spanish Inquisition, otherwise she is likely to clam up. Afterwards, organise something fun to do together.

Bear in mind, small children are very sensitive to their parents’ emotions, so remain calm and confident that she will enjoy all the new experiences that nursery will give her.