Is my daughter depressed?

Q. My daughter seems regularly depressed – yet she likes school and has friends: she is not being bullied. She herself thinks she has a problem and can’t explain why she feels sad and angry (and has done so regularly for a number of years). Is this normal teenage behaviour (she is 13)?

A. It is not unusual for teenagers to feel low quite often. Their emotions tend to rise and fall with regularity and hormones have much to answer for! For this reason it is very important not to imagine a sinister or intractable problem is underlying her moods. When she is angry or sad be understanding and sympathetic but most importantly don’t challenge how she feels. If she says she feels fed up then she does and it is important to acknowledge this without suggesting it is a major problem.

In order to help her cope with her own feelings she might well benefit from starting a diary. Writing it down often helps externalize feelings. Alternatively suggesting she goes and talks to the school counselor who is after all trained in listening to young people, might help. Her school might even offer a student mentoring system and there is nothing like an older girl taking an interest to make a sad girl feel more positive about herself.

Most importantly hang on to the certainty that it will pass. Teenage years can be painful but treats and time with family and friends who are patient, rather than impatient, with the moods are all important.