My 7 year old won't stop whining...

Q. My 7yr old whines as soon as something doesn’t go her way. We have tried the teacher’s ideas of playing games so she understands sometimes she loses, we have tried the ignoring it and the punishing even the suggesting other things to take her mind off it. All to no avail, and once the whining starts we are non stop for the rest of the day. My 3yr old daughter is now starting to copy her behaviour. Help please before I have 2 like it.

A. I think that this is one of those situations where you are going to have to grit your teeth and bear it for a little longer. You will probably find it intensely irritating, and hard to deal with – in a war of attrition, however, you can win if you put your efforts into staying calm, not reacting tensely and instead, being utterly consistent. Plan your strategy and stick with it – the teachers’ ideas are absolutely right, but they will need a lot of implementation if they are to become embedded with your daughter, particularly as she will have seen by now how much she is capable of irritating you. Start from the principle that not everything will go her way, and she needs to realise this (hence the game playing); moreover, whining is inappropriate behaviour and you will not tolerate it. This means that when she whines, she can expect you to react in certain disapproving ways which she will not enjoy – all of the strategies of ignoring and sanctions, for instance. The real trick, however, is for you not to react with anger or irritation – control your feelings, and you will deprive her of the reaction she has been seeking. The behaviour will soon change when she realises this.