Should I let my 16 year old daughter go on holiday with her friends?

Q. My 16 year old daughter has been invited by a friend at school to go the friend’s house in France for a week. There will be one adult (the friend’s father) and about 12 teenagers, boys and girls. We have not met the friend’s father and feel uncomfortable about how such a large group will be supervised. Our daughter is angry that we are not agreeing to her going and interprets it as not trusting her (which is not the case at all). Do you have any advice?

A. You are right to feel uneasy about this. Twelve teenagers are too many for one adult to supervise effectively. It is not a matter of not trusting your daughter. Perhaps you should initiate a meeting with the father and talk to him about how he sees the trip. Tell him of your concerns, which are after all, perfectly reasonable. There is likely to be alcohol and possibly a pool – a dangerous combination with teenagers if not properly supervised. What is his policy on alcohol? At 16 teenagers think they are invincible and she may find herself in a situation she cannot control. It is also worth finding out which of her friends are going too. If you do not feel re-assured, do not let her go.

If you do decide to allow her to go, having re-assured yourself about the level of care she will receive, rehearse with her various scenarios and what she would do if….. Discuss how you will keep in contact and how frequently, and make sure she has a mobile phone that works in France. She needs to know that you are watching out for her and would even go and get her if she felt uncomfortable.

If you decide not to let her go explain to her why you have reached the decision. She will probably declare she hates you – but hold firm. She will get over it. She may, although she would never admit it, be secretly relieved…