Dads...helping your daughter be the best she can be

Being a dad of a daughter is a great privilege for any man and should be a joy. How you treat her and advise her will help shape her opinion of herself and will affect her relationships with other men in her future life. Fathers invest a great deal in their daughters over the years but sometimes forget that the most important investment of all is time!

Your daughter’s happiness and success, in whatever field, are not mutually exclusive but are interdependent. Fathers can contribute greatly to ensuring that home is a secure, nurturing environment where their daughters can make mistakes and even fail occasionally… safe in the knowledge that they will continue to be supported and loved. It is therefore important that you make time to support your daughter and do all you can to encourage her to try new activities and seize new opportunities. Give her the confidence to have a go; be it to audition for a part in the school play or strive for that coveted place in the netball team. Remember however, it is also important not to impose your own hobbies and interests on your daughter; encourage her to invest time in the activities she is interested in so she has ownership of them. If you can discover an interest you can both share it will provide opportunities to deepen your relationship with your daughter; otherwise get her to teach you about her own interests – you may discover a new interest and will have learnt something from her!

There will be times of course when your daughter fails to make the team or is not top of her class; however, this is about your daughter, not you! Avoid direct comparisons with your own ability or school career. Regardless of how well meaning you are, imposing your own academic expectations and choices onto your daughter or comparing her with a sibling, cousin or a colleague’s child is unlikely to be helpful and can be hurtful. Instead support her in setting her own achievable standards and goals. Praise is inevitably more effective than criticism, especially with girls. Never miss an opportunity to nurture your daughter’s self esteem; after a set back, provide the loving support that will enable her to pick herself up, and rise to meet her next challenge. We sometimes forget that the timing of those important or sensitive conversations can be crucial if there is to be a positive outcome. Just because you happen to be free from life’s pressures momentarily, it might not be the right time for your daughter, so judge it carefully. Take the lead from her; if she wants to discuss something vital to her at 11pm try to prop your eyelids open and listen. Do not expect your daughter to tell you everything -there is a subtle difference between dad ‘showing an interest’ and interfering!

Time with your daughter can only be time well spent, but never forget how important your daughter’s friends are to her also. Take the time to know them well; they are vital to your daughter’s happiness, just like her dad. Celebrate your daughter’s every success with her; after all, you have given her the confidence to throw her hat into the ring and be the best she can be!

You might also be interested in this related article on dads and daughters