Can I help my daughter have a wider circle of friends?
Q. My 5 year old finds it extremely hard to form new friendships. She is very close to a particular girl in her school – however, that child has a big group of friends and does not spend the amount of time with my child as my daughter would like. This seems to be causing issues between the two which is contributing to my child feeling vulnerable and lonely. Is there anything I can do to help? Would changing her school help?
A. It is important for young girls to have a wide social group of friends. I would encourage you to support your daughter in making friends with some of the girls in her class by inviting them over for play dates, taking a friend to the park, asking them round for tea and so on. You might also want to get to know some of the other parents too.
Talk to your daughter, but don’t make asking about friendships the first thing you talk about when you collect her from school. At home you can teach your daughter to play games and have fun and encourage her to have lots of friends not just one. Talk to her about how it is good to play with different people, and that playing with one child doesn’t mean that she is no longer friends with another.
Speak to your daughter’s class teacher and ask her if your daughter plays with other girls at school. The teacher may well be able to make a few suggestions and to keep an eye on her friendships at school and reassure you that she does play with a variety of girls. Try and encourage your daughter to explain how she feels as a result of the situation to her class teacher so that the teacher can mediate between the two and perhaps use it as a wider lesson to help all the children.
Friendships are an important part of girls’ lives and there may well be more issues as she gets older. Changing schools at this stage will not help as she needs to learn how to deal with the challenges and ups and downs of friendships.
Sarah-Jane Styles Francis Holland School (Sloane Square)
Hina Thaker Northwood College
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My daughter, who will move into Year 6 in September has always been encouraged to be friends with everyone- particularly as I felt that having one sole friend was a recipe for potential problems. This has resulted in her returning from a school trip- which was a great experience in many ways- with the belief that no-one is interested in her. She sees that there are many best friends in her year group, but that no-one regards her as one. The children were allowed to list who they would like to share rooms with- she believes that no-one selected her. She is invited to all parties outside school and does not seem to stand alone in the playground, but finds it hard to join a clique from whom she believes she will be rejected. I cannot wait for secondary school and a fresh beginning. In the meantime I need to find ways for her to view herself more positively
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The previous comment has struck a nerve with me. My 7 year old daughter has always been encouraged to have a wide circle of friends since being in reception, she is described as being a quiet and polite girl in the classroom but quiet load in the playground! After leaving reception she has found it hard to make and keep friends, this year has been particularly hard on her as she is never chosen to partner up in games etc. And some girls will run away from her in the playground when she approches them or they will antagonise her, treating it as a game. She has been very upset by this in the past but seems to be becoming use to this treatment, even saying that she’s happy and not bothered although it does hurt her feelings.
She does have a little brother (5) whom she, up until very recently, would finish his sentences and like to tell him what he is thinking! I would have to firmly tell her that she is not to do this and eventually after 2 years it has stopped. However, she does still like to flow out his candle to strengthen her own frame, this telling me that her self esteam low. I do have a good relationship with many of the school mums and will get around to playdates but really, will this alone resolve the friend issue and low-self esteam. Im really at a loss with what to do next!