Teenage drinking - is your daughter drinking too much?

We should all be under no illusions – alcohol can be extremely dangerous for children and teenagers, and you are right to be concerned if you think that your daughter is drinking. While a single glass of wine for a 16 year old at a family dinner may help your daughter to understand the boundaries of social drinking, illicit binge drinking, especially of spirits, is damaging to her health, can be life-threatening, and can lead to extremely risky behaviour. Figures vary depending on where you look, but it is estimated that up to 80% of early sexual experiences occur under the influence of alcohol, and the vast majority of these are subsequently regretted.

So what can you do to protect your daughter? The first thing, of course, is to understand if your daughter is drinking at all, and to do this you need to be very aware of where she is at all times. If she is out with friends, then always make sure that you see her on her return, and engage her in conversation. If she smells of alcohol, or strongly of mints, or of a different perfume, then you are right to be suspicious. Keep her talking and you will be able to see if there is a difference in her behaviour – is she more sparkling, or more volatile than usual. If you are worried that you don’t know how much is too much when it comes to teenage drinking, then remember this: the safest approach to take is that any unsupervised alcohol is too much.

Don’t be naïve about parties, even those supervised at home by other parents. Children – teenagers especially, and even the most law-abiding and delightful ones – need to try to break the rules, and are extraordinarily ingenious when it comes to doing so. Drink can easily be smuggled in to houses in private bags, and innocent looking water bottles can easily contain vodka. Parties with sleepovers usually mean that parents go to bed before their charges, and it is then that the hidden stash of wine or spirits can appear. Share your concerns with the people supervising the party, talk to your daughter to set out your expectations, and follow this up afterwards. If you are in any doubt about the party, I would recommend putting your foot down – hard thought this will be – and weathering the storm (but replacing it with something else amazing instead with you and your family).

Talking to your daughter about alcohol is really important, and – like talking about sex – is best introduced from an early age as a part of an ongoing conversation about what is right and what is wrong in life. (Do make it clear you are talking about drinking alcohol, though – you might send some rather contradictory messages otherwise!) Expressing disapproval or concern over drunken behaviour is a good way to start to get the message to young children across that alcohol can lead people to do things that make them look silly. As your daughter grows older, the key to effective discussion is an open relationship where you allow her to talk comfortably to you – easier said than done, admittedly, but the secret to this is to listen, listen, listen, and help your daughter reach conclusions by talking through her thoughts. She is going to make mistakes – statistics show that children are likely to try alcohol and overindulge before the age of 18 on at least one occasion, and if this can be turned into a learning experience, then this is all to the good.

Of course, it almost goes without saying that you are an extremely important role model for your daughter. She needs to see sensible behaviour from you in this respect if you are to have any chance of guiding her actions – she will do as you do, not just as you say …

Don’t be afraid to seek help if you suspect that your daughter is drinking too much, and if you want to know more, a useful starting point is www.drinkaware.co.uk, which has an excellent section on the facts of alcohol, as well as a really useful page on how to introduce the topic with your children, and follow it through.