Is my 14 year old daughter drinking?

Q, I have found an opened bottle of wine in my daughter’s bedroom (3/4 of the bottle had been drunk). She is 14 years old – what should I do?

A. It is important that you do not rush to punish your daughter before you have had a calm, honest conversation. You could tell her that you found the bottle and ask her to explain. Ask her to tell you about how, when, where and with whom she drinks. Don’t accuse her for it is possible that she was an unwilling bystander and has left the bottle for you to find as a signal for help on how she can handle this.

Most likely though she will have been drinking and you will want to show both your concern and your disapproval. You need to acknowledge that at some point she would start to drink alcohol but that you believe she is too young and that lying to or deceiving you undermines your relationship.

The danger of stern punishment is that it can lead to her “staying at friends’ homes” more and more frequently and you will have little idea of how she is actually behaving. Hopefully you can continue to have good communication with your daughter even after you’ve expressed your disappointment over her drinking and why this causes you to worry for her safety.