Anorexia in the family

I’m very worried about my grand-daughter who has anorexia and my daughter who is trying hard to help her but is hardly coping.

The first thing to do is reassure your daughter that you don’t view her as a failure as a mother because of this. She needs lots of support with this problem herself, as does your granddaughter and your frustration about not knowing what to do is absolutely normal. Your daughter also needs to know she is not alone in this situation.

If your daughter is not coping, specialist diagnosis is the key. If anorexia is diagnosed then it is highly likely that part of the specialist treatment will involve family therapy, too. At this point parents, and in particular, mothers, will feel that they can cope better and feel supported.

Via your granddaughter’s school and specialist hospital unit her mother should be able to make contact with other parents of children suffering from eating disorders and sharing concerns with one another is most therapeutic. Schools often know of other mothers who have been down this route and got through the problem who offer to be referred to other parents who might need support. Tell your daughter to try asking the School specifically for this kind of contact and not to feel at all embarrassed about it.

For your granddaughter:

• The first port of call is the family GP who is the best conduit for specialist help and your daughter may already have done this.
• If anorexia has been formally diagnosed then your granddaughter will be referred to an eating disorders special clinic, probably attached to a hospital where lots of help and advice will be on hand. Your granddaughter will probably be reluctant about this initially, and will need lots of love and persuasion that this is in her best interests.
• If she has accepted that she has a problem, she will be ready to be treated. If she has not, things will be much harder and the doctor again will advise.

Much will depend on the extent of the problem at this stage, and if there is a diagnosis. But think positive. Help is at hand.