Girls and dieting - your questions answered

Q1 I am worried that my daughter is not eating properly. She is 15 and goes to boarding school, so it is difficult for me to keep an eye on her eating habits. She seems to have lost quite a lot of weight and during these holidays she has found numerous excuses not to eat in front of me. Having suffered from anorexia myself when I was a similar age, I am suspicious. Although my anorexia could be attributed to an obviously unhappy childhood, I have tried my best to provide a secure and happy home for her.
My question is, can anorexia be inherited, will one’s children be more susceptible to this addictive form of behaviour, despite a parents efforts and what can I do to try and help, without making the problem worse?

A1 What a worry for you. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your daughter? It’s important that she understands why you are worried. If you don’t find her response reassuring you should talk to the Head and the Head of Boarding at her school. They will have a great deal of experience that they can draw on and will be able to carefully monitor your daughter when term starts.

I hope you have found the articles, queries and FAQs on MyDaughter which relate to eating disorders – enter “anorexia” in the search box to read these. Another helpful website is Beat.

While your personal experience is understandably making you feel responsible it’s vital that you remember that eating disorders such as anorexia are a mental illness, not a physical one, It therefore requires the aid of professionals – you and your daughter are not alone. Try your GP. Good luck.

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Q2 I have put my daughter’s name down for an all girls’ day school with a very good reputation, but I have been told by another parent that they have a long table set aside for girls who have eating disorders, so the staff can watch what they eat.

While I am sure this is being done with the best of intentions, I am now becoming very concerned about sending her there, because of this. Surely being singled out in this way makes the girls more susceptible to teasing and to scrutiny by other girls, when they probably have a low self-image in the first place. I would think that such an emphasis would if anything make the problem worse rather than better. I also think that if girls are determined not to eat, they will find a way of hiding or disposing of the food, no matter who is watching. Do you think I am right to be worried about this issue? I do have reason to believe that she may be placed on such a table.

A2 I quite understand why you are worried. You must approach the school you have selected for your daughter so it can explain or deny what this other parent has told you. Girls with eating disorders can find eating in public situations very stressful and sometimes allocating a separate table for them is a sensitive and helpful solution. Another factor is that some girls who eat normally can be impressed by those who seem to be on “successful diets” so separating these groups may be advisable.

You imply you have reason to believe your daughter has issues with eating. I hope you have found the advice and questions about eating disorders on MyDaughter helpful. Another useful site is Beat . Don’t hesitate to seek professional help, initially via your GP, if you need it.