How can I convince my daughter she is beautiful?

Q. My daughter has become very worried, she has come to the conclusion that she’s fat. She is 12 years old and weighs a healthy 45kg (7 stone 1 lb). She can’t accept how beautiful she is no matter how many times I tell her. She’ll only believe me if she gets a flat stomach. How do I convince her that she is beautiful?

A. This is an extremely common issue amongst girls of your daughter’s age and older; the prevalence of images of size zero models, together with the emphasis in society on physical appearance and a rather absurdly defined ‘ideal’ shape, creates a huge pressure on girls, which can in turn lead to a lack of self-confidence in their body image.

Be firm, strong and vocal. Your daughter is beautiful, and you should keep saying and demonstrating this, in words and through the tactile hugs that you give her, even more frequently than usual. Discuss openly the issues of fantasy and reality in relation to the female form, and the power of the media to distort images. Draw to her attention that her friends, who are themselves prey to these pressures, may without realising be creating more of a problem as they simply accept the messages of the media at face value.

Leave your daughter in no doubt where you stand on this issue – namely that she is a unique and wonderful individual, and that she is amazing. She may not respond, and you may not feel that you are getting through, but if you speak and act with confidence and utter certainty, avoiding any anxiety, then she will hear you.

It is worth, too, a quiet word to your daughter’s school. They will be in a position to keep an eye on her friendships and can help her with peer pressure, as well as reinforce some of the strong counter-arguments that your daughter needs to receive.