The beauty myth - girls under pressure to be 'beautiful'

In light of more press reports claiming that size zero diets are ‘ruining girls’ health’ we ask how parents can help girls to maintain their self-esteem in the face of pressure to be ‘beautiful’.

How can we encourage our daughters to see that healthy self-esteem is certainly more than skin deep, and our value is not to be measured by our physical accomplishments? We have to accept that our daughters are today bombarded with images of a very specific and, we may feel, distorted concept of beauty which can make just about all of us feel inadequate. How many different brands of expensive perfume are there, and why does each need to be promoted with images of very slim, young and impossibly beautiful men and women romantically intertwined? If this is the accepted concept of beauty in our society, it is an unattainable ideal for most of the girls and women who see it on television or in glossy magazines.

It is a natural human trait to wish to be attractive, and a huge industry has been born out of this, aimed at both women and men, although predominantly at women. Perfume, cosmetics, beauty aids of every description are promoted wherever we look, and for young girls who are going through the sometimes painful process of deciding who they are and exactly what they are worth, the ubiquitous images which are selected to promote beauty products can be unhelpful.

Firstly, consider what we can say and do to encourage our daughters to feel good about themselves, and to recognise that this does not depend on superficial appearances or accomplishments. Indiscriminate praise tends not to have significant impact, but giving praise for specific things and positive elements of our personality can reinforce the message we would hope to promote – that our self-worth is bound up with who we are and not what we look like.

Secondly, if your daughter is supported to try something new which she has to work at but in which she ultimately achieves a measure of success, this can help her to feel capable. If your daughter is confident of your care for her, and the warmth and affection of others, this will show her she is loveable. Positive self-esteem requires our recognition that we are both capable and loveable. It is good to receive a compliment which relates to how we look, but think about the compliments you offer your daughter which are to do with what she has achieved or the positive qualities she has – enthusiasm, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, energy, perhaps. Tell your daughter she IS beautiful, but ensure she understands what that means and exactly where her beauty lies.