How can I boost my daughter's self-confidence at school?

Q. My daughter lacks self-confidence. What can I do to help? She always sees herself as being ‘not good enough’ and feels insignificant at school. Her school report reflects this greatly. How do you build a daughter’s confidence in herself and in everything she does?

A. I think this is a very tricky problem and one that is hard for a parent to watch. To begin with, you can help by taking an interest in her work and suggesting that she sets a target of making one contribution in each lesson until she feels more confident. Talk to her Head of Year about asking her teachers to give positive encouragement wherever possible and explain that your daughter is feeling low at the moment. Perhaps it might help for her to talk to a counsellor or other trained listener at the school.

Another suggestion is to find an activity inside or outside of school at which she can excel and feel important. Perhaps she can be given responsibility for younger children, take part in a play (even if only helping backstage), learning a new skill like fencing or join a club outside school with like minded girls such as guides or a tennis or badminton club.

It will also help if your daughter is at a school which has smaller classes with ability groupings so that she can be placed in a teaching group where she does not feel out of her depth and she is willing and happy to contribute to class discussions. I wish you luck with this. Usually it gets better with time.