Self esteem matters
What makes a successful person? Good A level results or a good degree? Looking stylish? Earning lots of money? There is a long list of things that you might consider essential for success in life but when you think of adults who are truly successful you realise that there is a far more important credential, and that is strong self-esteem.
It is easy to confuse self-esteem with confidence and think that a girl who is outwardly bubbly, bright and engaging automatically has high self-esteem but it does not necessarily follow. Sometimes outward appearances mask an inner fragility which crumbles at the first challenge. People with high self-esteem are comfortable with themselves and can cope with failure. They evaluate situations where they have not performed well and build on the experience, becoming stronger as a consequence.
What every parent wants for their daughter, is for her to be able to cope with whatever challenges she faces. It is therefore important to work to build and maintain self-esteem throughout your daughter’s life, at home and at school.
Adolescence is a time when many girls suffer with low self-esteem. This can explain explaining their challenging behaviour and temporary personality changes. As a parent you can play a vital part at this stage by:
Focussing on the positive: praise her whenever you can, tell her when she is doing well, reassure her about her appearance and her achievements•
Avoiding making comparisons: she is becoming her own individual self , help her recover from any mistakes she makes
Be consistent in all interactions: set clear boundaries and stick to them, don’t “sweat the small stuff”, choose your battleground. Make your daughter feel good about herself, she may be able to transfer this ‘feel good’ factor to other parts of her life
Challenges can help raise self-esteem. The important thing is to work with your daughter, and to tackle any specific issues that exist head-on.
Your comments
My daughter was finally asked to write an article for the school newspaper and when it was published she was horrified to see that her name was replaced by that of the head girl. She refused to go to school and to see how upset she was as a result was heart-breaking for me. However, she has now been chosen to play one of the lead roles in the Y6 school production and her eyes lit up with happiness. Just two extremes of school life which can pose such highs and lows. Thing is, what she felt, I felt too and not being in the paper even made me cry so I dont know what it did to her…
Adolescence is a very hard time for all teenage girls, although for some it can be made easier through certain circumstances.
Looks, Boys and Friends may become prioritised but School does need to be featured amoung the important factors of the daughter’s life.
Make up may be introduced into morning routines but this IS natural!
Girls today will always be fussing over external appearances and you must deal with this gently.
I think that sometimes parents can inadvertently obliterate their child’s achievements. A good result is more material for the parents to boast about together rather than that single focus on the child who has achieved. Parents need to think less of what other parents think and make it absolutely clear to their own child that they are thrilled and the family as a whole can celebrate the childs success.I think that low self esteem is nurtured because children know that they are being compared to others(friends/siblings)and are not being praised for their own sake. Low self esteem by its own definition is a child believing that in other peoples’ eyes she does not make the grade, and the repeat message convinces her in her own perceptioi as well.
Lots of praise – YES! No comparisions – YES!